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Borderline Personality Disorder: Awareness and Change

If you have Borderline Personality Disorder, awareness not only of your disorder, but of the root of that disorder and the causes of your behavior are just the first of the tools you will need to change; and once you are aware of the whys behind your negative behaviors, you will be at the starting point of changing those negative behaviors.

Awareness brings with it the possibility for the kind of understanding you need in order to learn about the types of unconscious and self-defeating choices you now make, so you can learn how you can change these choices from unconscious and self-defeating to conscious, positive, and responsible ones.

You need to turn your unmanageable suffering into manageable pain which, first of all, involves surrendering to the reality (and acceptance) that your past is your past. You did not create the circumstance in your past that caused you so much harm, before you were even old enough to comprehend what was happening to you. What happened to you was not your fault.

Back then, in your childhood, you were a victim. However, now, you and you alone are responsible, as an adult, for your own life, regardless of your past. When you can admit this and understand and accept it, as well as accept responsibility for it (and responsibility for yourself and your own choices), then you can make new and different choices to recover from your past.

When you are in the active throes of Borderline Personality Disorder, you are constantly re-living your past in anxiety-producing, painful and, most often, very frightening ways; many times, in ways that you don’t even understand. You may have thoughts and feelings that are out of your own control and this can be very scary; but this is all due to what you thought and felt when you were a child, as a result of what was happening to you then, when you really didn’t have any control over what was happening to you.

When you realize that what you feel now and what happens to you now, however, is up to you, and is a result of your own choices now, you will be able to choose to change and to recover. It has been said that “Life is ten percent what happens to you, and 90% your reaction to it.” Until now, you have reacted to people and situations in an unconscious manner due to deeply buried memories of your past. Now, though, by becoming more aware that this is the root cause of your reactions and behavior, by bringing this into your consciousness, your reactions and behavior will now be a matter of your own choices – and you can choose to make better choices now and in the future. You can choose to change yourself and your future; you can choose to recover from Borderline Personality Disorder.

The crucial point of awareness that you need is awareness as to the nature of your “core wound of abandonment,” which is what sits at the bottom of all your pain, anxiety, depression, and fear (ultimately, the fear of abandonment).

You must learn to face this pain/fear of abandonment and tolerate feeling it in a healthy enough way that will allow you to peel away its many layers like an onion. The core wound of abandonment, which is related to the destruction of your primary relationship (usually the mother-child relationship), is at the center of most, if not all, of your problems; at least, definitely, at the center of your problems with interpersonal relationships.

You haven’t understood until now why, even though you want/need someone and his/her love so desperately and try so hard to maintain a healthy, loving relationship; yet, at the same time, you sabotage and/or destroy that same relationship by pushing the person away. Now you have awareness, the key you need in order to change yourself, so that in the future you can maintain healthy relationships. This awareness is the beginning of change, and change is the beginning of recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder.

About the Author

David Oliver is the founder of BorderlineCentral.com a one stop source of information on how to cope and deal with borderline personality disorder.

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