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Does Your Loved One Have Borderline Personality
Disorder?
Do You Have Borderline Personality Disorder?
Child With Borderline Personality Disorder? |
The Borderline Personality Disorder Relationship: Am I Being Abused?
The Borderline Personality Disorder relationship is sometimes a very stormy one. In fact, one of the major characteristics of a person with Borderline Personality Disorder is that of dysfunctional interpersonal relationships. On one hand, the borderline may treat their partner with the most tender, loving care; yet, in the very next moment, turn on that partner in an angry, often extreme rage. If you are in a relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder, you may be asking yourself, “Am I being abused?” One of the most confusing things about being in a relationship with somebody
who has Borderline Personality Disorder is that the borderline is most often not
even aware of their own, often abusive, behavior. In addition, when the
borderline’s psychological defense mechanisms are in effect, the person may
often have no memory, or a distorted memory, after the abusive behavior is over.
They may “re-script” the event, casting themselves as the victim, and/or
justifying their behavior. This can be very frustrating for the non-borderline
in the relationship; they may even feel abused. People with Borderline Personality Disorder tend to relive their past experiences of child abuse or neglect, and they project these experiences onto their present relationships. If you’re in a relationship with a person with borderline personality disorder, you may recognize this as happening in your own relationship – your partner may be projecting their past childhood feelings/experiences with their mother onto you. Fear of abandonment in childhood years may translate now into a deep fear of your abandoning them, and your partner may be possessive, jealous, overly demanding, etc. They may even feel as they are totally dependent upon you for their very own survival; and yet display extreme acts of anger and/or rage against you, pushing you away. “Love-hate” relationships are one of the characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder relationships. Even any perceived act of criticism or indication of abandonment on the part of another person, whether this act is grounded in reality or not, can trigger a negative (abusive) response from the person who has Borderline Personality Disorder. This can put a great deal of pressure upon you, the person who does not have borderline personality disorder. You may even feel as if you have to walk around on eggshells, afraid that anything you might do could trigger a negative, or abusive, response from your partner. You may be feeling like you’re caught in a web – on the one hand, you may love your partner very much; you may even feel pity for the fact that they were abused or abandoned as a child, wanting to comfort them (while at the same time being afraid of them). On the other hand, you may be feeling abused; even beginning to fear for your own safety at this point. You may be circling between blaming your partner for the abuse, and blaming yourself. The abusive behavior may still only be emotional (psychological) abuse, or it may have turned physical; however, even if it is not physical now, you need to remember that it can turn into physical abuse at any point. If you’re in a relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder, remember that you did not cause their disorder and it is not up to you to cure it. Your role as the supporter is to offer your love and help – it is not to endure abuse, no matter how much you feel sorry for them. Only you can answer the question of whether you are being abused or not, and only you can do something about it. It is your decision whether or not you stay in a situation in which you are being abused. You cannot make the borderline get help for their disorder and/or abusive behavior; they have to do that for themselves; however, you are responsible for getting help for (and protecting) yourself. About the Author David Oliver is the founder of BorderlineCentral.com a one stop source of information on how to cope and deal with borderline personality disorder. Back to Article List |
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