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Borderline Personality Disorder Relationship Questions

If you are in a “stormy” relationship, you may be asking yourself if that person may have Borderline Personality Disorder. If so, there are certain questions you need to ask yourself, and the honest answers to those questions can help you to make the choice of whether to stay with that person or to leave the relationship. There is treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder, but only if the person wants to get help.

Ask yourself the following questions, and answer them honestly:

1. Is the other person causing you a great deal of pain (emotional, mental, and/or physical)?
2. Do you find yourself hiding what you think or feel because you're afraid of the other person's reaction?
3. Do you avoid fighting with the other person because it just doesn't seem worth the horrible fight or hurt feelings that will follow?
4. Do you feel as if you are walking on eggshells?
5. Do you feel that anything you say or do will be twisted and used against you?
6. Do you feel like you are blamed and criticized for everything that is wrong in the relationship, even when it makes no logical sense?
7. Are you the focus of the other person’s intense, violent, and seemingly irrational rages, alternating with periods when the other person acts perfectly normal and loving?
8. Do you “keep behind closed doors” what is happening in your relationship because you are afraid no one would believe you?
9. Are you afraid of what the other person would do to you if anyone found out what is happening?
10. Do you feel as if you’re the one who’s going crazy?
11. Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or even lied to sometimes?
12. Do you feel like you're the victim of “emotional blackmail?”
13. Do you feel like the other person sees you as either “all good” or “all bad,” with nothing in between?
14. Does the other person seem to switch moods at the drop of a hat, and is there sometimes no logical reason for the switch?
15. Are you afraid to ask for things in the relationship because you’re afraid you’ll be told that you're too demanding or that there is something wrong with you?
16. Have you been told that your needs are not important, or do you feel as if the other person feels like their needs are more important than yours?
17. Is the other person always belittling you or your point of view?
18. Do you feel that the other person’s expectations of you are constantly changing, so that you can never live up to them?
19. Do you feel like you are constantly being put down or criticized, as if you can never do anything right?
20. Have you been accused of saying and/or doing things you never said or did?
21. Do you feel misunderstood a great deal of the time, and when you try to explain do you find that the other person doesn't believe you?
22. Have you tried to leave the relationship? If/when you have, has the other person tried to prevent you from leaving?
23. Has the other person tried to break up with you? More than once? If so, have they apologized quickly and tried to make it up to you?
24. Do you have a hard time planning anything (social engagements, etc.) because of the other person's moodiness, impulsiveness, or unpredictability?
25. Do you make excuses for the other person’s behavior, or do you try to convince yourself that everything is okay?

Hopefully, you answered the above questions honestly. If you found that many/most of your answers were “yes,” you are most likely in a relationship with a person who has Borderline Personality Disorder. There is no “cure” for the disorder, but treatment (medication and therapy) is possible, if the person wants help. Unfortunately, if the person does not want help, there is nothing you can do to help them.

Positive answers to many of the above questions may indicate that you are being abused (mentally, emotionally, and/or physically), however. If you are, you must get help for yourself. You must also think seriously about whether you even want to stay in the relationship.

About the Author

David Oliver is the founder of BorderlineCentral.com a one stop source of information on how to cope and deal with borderline personality disorder.

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